My amazing friend Faiza has a gratitude blog (please see the link on the right to access it). I feel inspired by it to give kudos to all the things I am grateful for. I will expand on the list below in the months to follow. There is so much to say about each one of them.
-My career
-Khalil
-My bro
-My parents
-My marriage and everything Aly
-My neighbourhood
-Dr. Kirsh
-My Health
-My friends
The following list is of those in my life that I know have/had cancer. This may seem like a morbid/grim list to keep track of but I see it a daily reminder to remember those who have fought and continue to fight this awful disease. It also serves as a reminder to live life to the fullest, be grateful for what you have and what you thankfully, don’t have and to cherish your health. Take care of your body and soul and treat it as temple. I have also learned that cancer is all around us taking on everyone irrespective of cultural background, age and gender. We must do something collectively to understand and eradicate the C word from all our lives.
1 Sheba Gangji, R.I.E.P.-Aunty Sheba is my good friends’ Munira and Saira’s mom but I considered Aunty Sheba a good friend too. I am so grateful that over the years I got to know this amazing and inspirational woman really well. She passed away this past August a week short of her 65th birthday with a short battle with pancreatic cancer. Her journey towards the light was short and graceful and thankfully, she didn’t suffer very long. I think of her in my prayers everyday and miss her tremendously.
2 Michelle Coburn, R.I.E.P.-Michelle and I went to high school together and are the same age. We were not particularly close back then and I hadn’t seen her since the high school daze but I remember her well. She passed away in late September from a battle with breast cancer. I went to her wake to pay my last respects and was touched to hear her story. She has a 8 year old girl and 18 month boy. The cancer was discovered after she found out she was pregnant. It was recommended to her to terminate her pregnancy so she could start treatments right away. She refused because she wanted to honour the gift from God and give birth to her beautiful son. I have good friends that remained good friends with Michelle and I am so sorry for their loss. I hope her children always have comfort in knowing how sacrificing and special she was.
3 Mr. Collins, R.I.E.P.-I only had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Collins on two occasions but I remember him well. He is the father to my friend, Carla and uncle to two of my closest friends, Gina and Jacinda. He was a soft, kind man. He passed away October 7 after a battle of pancreatic cancer.
4 Wolfie-This little boy is in my prayers every night. When he got diagnosed with leukemia last Christmas, he was only two and it was really just like that. One day, he was healthy, the next he wasn’t. His parents were shocked. His mom, Caroline, and I work together and also went to university together although I don’t remember her ☺ Caroline is not a stay at home type of mom but that’s what she is doing. Her and Wolfie stayed at Sick Kid’s Hospital for 6 months for treatment after treatment. Scary set-backs and then progress. They finally went home this summer (she is on leave from work) but are pretty much isolated from the world and I often wonder what they do to pass the days. I think of Wolfie all the time and pray that this precious 3 year old heals 100% in god’s time.
5 MMC’s mom-My favourite boss in the world found out in the late spring that her mom was dying of lung cancer. I’ve never met her 80 year old mom but my boss/friend is an exceptional person so I can only imagine how wonderful the woman that raised her is. My boss took the higher road to be with her mom and be her care-giver along with her sibilings. Her mom is still hanging in there after months of accepting the fate of the disease and waiting it out. It’s been a difficult road for all of them.
6 Bev-is my neighbour at work meaning we share a wall. She broke the news to our department in the summer that she had breast cancer. Bev leads an incredibly active lifestyle. She is into fitness and eating well. Ironically, one of the files she has at work is cancer. She knows her stuff really well but yet…like I said cancer doesn’t discriminate. I see Bev everyday and she displays the kind of courage and strength that is admirable. Plus, she makes cancer look good. Really, she looks like a movie star. She already has incredible fashion sense but she keeps trying different scarves and headpieces out to complement her outfits.
7 Jen-is one of those people in my life that make me so happy. We meet in 2001 and have had the pleasure of working together on two different TV shows since then. We’ve stayed friends and are apart of an exclusive group called the B-girlz. I accredit Jenny for being instrumental in me ending up being together with my true love, Aly. She is my girly girl friend. We share a mutual love of purses, books, lip gloss and misc. items. She broke the news to me in the summer that she had cervical cancer. I was devastated at her news. She is my age and as sunny of a person as you will ever meet. She means the world to me. Jco as I affectionally call her just completed her 6 rounds of chemo. I recently saw her in her wig last month. She’s boasted to me that she has the most kick-ass wig in town and I totally believe that.
8 Agnes-is my downtown hairdresser. She is feisty lady who is very health conscious. I am proud of her approach to sport her bald head in public. She is a hairdresser after all but says she is not embarrassed and wants to show her battle with cancer out in the loud and bold.
The list unfortunately does not end here. I have an inspiring friend Shamir who is been fighting leukemia for a few years now. There is the legendary Dr. Sheela Basrur who I never got the privledge to work with but so many of my co-workers did and I know she is missed greatly and her work will live on for a long time. I shockingly found out that the a guest, Negrita Jayde, who I used to book on a health show I worked on passed away from cancer this past summer. I found emails from her and we were at the point of knowing each other, where we signed off ‘love’. She was engaged to the late Gregory Hines who also passed from cancer five years ago. I also have two other people in my circle of family who’s dads are going through prostrate cancer.
There are also the fictional characters/friends on TV like Izzy Stevens, Lily Winters and Kitty Walker who stories come into my living room and make me cry.
Here’s a link to a touching article about her girl struck with cancer:
http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/721390–dying-6-year-old-girl-leaves-love-notes-behind
Unfortunately, this list is expanding and not shrinking. Like the tumours themselves, my personal C-list spreads and grows and worries and saddens me. Surely, we can do better to find a cure and make preventative medicine a top priority. We must.
When a friend of mine with a toddler about the same age as mine moved to Toronto from New York, she asked me what there was to do and I was able to give her a list of things and suggestions without much thought. My life with child has been an adventure. I am definitely not gifted in many of the domesticated areas of parenting but I know how to show my kid a good time and enjoy myself too. Here’s some of my suggestions that I hope can be a handy guide of reference for you especially those living in the 905 area but there are plenty of Toronto suggestions too.
FARM FUN:
-Lionels Pony Farm-Free, parking right on site and easy and open all year round with great hours. McCowan, north of Elgin Mills.
-Forsythe Farms-$5 at Kennedy and Major Mackenzie. Lots to do and see with animals, corn mazes and more.
-Southbrook Pumpkin Patch- To die for-West of Dufferin on Major Mack. Free. Wagon Rides are $1
http://www.southbrookpumpkinpatch.com/
-Brooks Farm-Up north, owned by friend Winnie’s childhood friend Paul Brooks. Definitely worth a fall visit.
-Riverdale Farm in duh, Riverdale. Yes, yes, yes. I can’t forget about this Toronto farm. It’s very cute and I love the big trees that surround it.
-Whittamore Farms-Near the zooish. This place is a real gem. You must take your kids. The wonderland of farms.
REALLY?
-Buttonville Airport-grab a sandwich from Wimpy’s and go to the gated patio area to watch the planes. Free and easy. Good for about an hour’s playdate.
-Go on a bus ride in your ‘hood. Just hop on. I did this recently and it was really a memorable moment in my life.
SEASONAL PASSES:
I would definitely recommend investing in the following:
-Ontario Science Centre. Their improved KidSpark area is great for babies up to age 8.
-Toronto Zoo-All ages. All the time fun. My preferred time of year to go is the Spring.
-Wonderland for those 4 yrs +. I hear the splashpad is great. We’re not there yet and I have to admit intimidated by it.
CLASSES:
-Check your local Community Guides-Great stuff right in your own ‘hood. The guides come in the mail or check on-line. Some really interesting classes. The classes are cheap and accessible.
-My favourite class to date and I have done MANY has been Salsababies. I intend to enroll again with baby#2 in the springtime.
-Cosmos Music is located in my ‘hood at Leslie and Elgin Mills. It’s like the Royal Conservatory of the North. Check it out on-line for all your music-instrument and vocal and camp interests.
TO KILL AN HOUR:
-Chapters -my personal favourite is the Woodbine and 7 location because the kids area is carpeted and the Thomas the train table is well-stocked. Every Saturday, they have story-time. Check your local Indigo/Chapters. You can grab your magazines and watch your kids read and play away.
-Big Al’s Aquarium in the Keele and Rutherford area-Tuesday nights at 7pm is shark killing frenzy (not scary at all!)
-Pet Smart-great way to spend time with your child is to lug them around in a shopping cart and introduce them to cats, birds and fish. They will be so fascinated and it’s a fairly easy outing.
INDOOR PLAYGYMS
These can be annoying. I don’t have a full list just my fav.
-Kinrgee – my favourite location so far as it is very spacious and clean and there is lots to do
www.kinrgee.com
FITNESS:
-Mygym is at Keele and Major Mack. I have never been but hear great things.
http://www.my-gym.ca/
-Sportball. Haven’t done this either but here good things. Multiple locations.
DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE LIBRARIES:
-Angus Glen-is my favourite. so much to do there besides books.
-Central Tech, Richmond Green are others in my area.
-Also, check TPL- Thorncliffe Public Library is opening up a new kidsspace area which sounds pretty cool.
http://kidsspace.torontopubliclibrary.ca/LOUD/Moving%20in%204.html
PARKS:
Discover a park a week. It’s such a great way to get to know the city and not be repetitive and boring. Here are a few of my favs:
-Richmond Green -has a splash pad, movies, concerts and it’s across the street from us. SCORE
-Edward’s Gardens-classic.
-Mill Pond-love the ducks and geese here
-Port Union (close to the Zoo)-this is a gem of an area. Their splashpad is pretty unique too.
ONCE A SUMMER:
-Centre Island
-Beaches
-Niagara
ONCE A WINTER:
-AGO
-ROM
-Niagara-Great Wolf Lodge-worth the hype
-Downsview Park-Trail of Lights-now a 3km drive through of a light up winter wonderland. Can’t wait to check it out and off.
-Lindsay Lights in Thornhill-they decorate their house like no other and you can tune into the radio to get matching audio. They have had to scale back a lot so not sure what their plans are for this year.
WALK ABOUTS:
-Queen Street West
-Yorkville
-Shops on Don Mills
-Main St. Unionville (Too good Pond)
-St. Lawrence Market
-Anywhere your heart desires-try something new.
MORE INDOOR SUGGESTIONS
-movies
-shows
-Reptilia
-Ikea
Also, READ SIGNS-great activities/fairs in your community you might be missing out on
This list is downright pitiful as I can’t really recall the movies I’ve seen this past year and I do consider myself to be a movie buff. There haven’t been that many that I’ve seen but there have been a handful. Unfortunately, it’s true that as a parent of young children, this is an area that goes sadly by the way-side. I can only remember:
-Away We Go-I adored in its simplicity and weirdness
-My Sister’s Keeper-I saw with Susan. I cried and tolerated. She cried and hated
-Gran Tarino-LOVED it.
-Sunshine Cleaning-Weird and good
-I love you, Man-entertaining
I also recently saw MJ’s This is it and no offense to other music concerts but this one was one of all-time favourites and it was on-screen only. I cried, laughed, sang and danced throughout the movie. The kids I was sitting beside kept looking at him like I was nuts but let me tell you, I was present and in that movie for the entire duration.
This past summer, we took K to see his first flick in the theatres. We chose UP. We lasted for the whole movie minus the last 20 minutes. It was long but good but it came to a point, where we needed to leave. He needed to leave. We will try again, god-willing, in the new year.
Here’s what I want to see: 500 days of Summer, Prom night in Mississippi, September Issue, Paa, Good Hair and am on the fence with Precious.
1.The Book of Negros by Lawrence Hill-Riveting. Read it in a few days. Loved it. Reminded me of A Fine Balance. It wasn’t the pleasant, fun book I was hoping to go for during my final days. Quite the opposite but hopefully, the baby is smarter and more sympathic for it. I don’t want to stress her out too much but know this was a life-altering kind of book and Aminita will stay in my heart forever.
2. Contagious Passion by Luisa Leblanc-Luisa is my friend so I can’t obviously be harsh. I read this book in one day. It’s a bit melodramatic and hard to believe in some points but overall, the woman is a talented writer and I look forward to reading more of her stuff.
3. Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult-this is only my second Picoult novel. She is over the top melodramatic but the bioethical issues she raises in this book are powerful and thought-provoking.
4.The Girls by Lori Lansens-I had been told my various people to pick up this book but it wasn’t until recently that I did and am so glad I did. Every woman needs to read this book and Ruby and Rose will be forever embedded in your hearts.
5.Boldface Names by my brother, Shinan Govani-A MUST READ. It’s short and sweet and ohso funny. The perfect beach or weekend read. GO GET IT NOW.
6.Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner-very entertaining and fun. A perfect summer’s chick lit selection.
7.Dress your family in Corduroy and Denim and Naked by David Sedaris-I have friends who are die-hard Sedaris fans so I thought I would try him out. I liked not loved him. He’s very quirky funny.
8. Not becoming my Mother by Ruth Reichl. I read this short sweet book in three sittings in the book store watching my son play. It’s that short. I hear her other stuff is much better. I was expecting more but liked it.
9.Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri-a collection of powerful short stories by an amazing writer. Do pick it up.
10.The Good Indian Wife by Anne Cherian-you will hate the man in this book right away. A good average read.
11. LA Candy by Lauren Conrad-Much better than I expected. Not particularly memorable but it was fun while it lasted.
12.Mommywood and A Stori Telling both my Tori Spelling-A Stori Telling was much much better than Mommywood which is really a repeat of her first. The first is interesting and juicy and actually, funny too.
13.Twilight by Stephanie Myers-I have been reading Twilight for what seems like eons. Am I the only cynical one out there? I am love teen stuff normally and can always go for a good love story and know Bella and Edward share something extraordinary yet I can’t get past the vampire part of it all. I have tried and tried.
14. The Blackbook of Hollywood Pregnancy Stories by Kym Douglas (Jerry Douglas akaJohn Abbott’s wife) and Cindy Pearlman-Not funny or particularly useful either. Skip it.
15.Gifted by Nikita Lalwani- is about a misunderstood math prodigy named Rumi. Totally recommend it.
16.Groom to have been by Saher Alim-A good book that gives good political insight with a good love story. Good not great.
17. I don’t know how she does it by Allison Pearson-so funny and well-written. I will never forget Kate Reddy. One of my fav mommy-sick lits.
18.House of Testosterone by Sharon O’Donnell-bought this at Shoppers on a whim. It’s about a woman and her life with three boys and a husband. Very funny.
19.Ask me again Later by Jill Davis-Jill is a former writer with the Letterman show. It’s a good easy book.
20. The Mommy Fund by Madeleine K. Jacob-fun and silly mommy lit
Books I wanna read:
A Wive’s Tale by Lori Lansens-another heavy hitter
Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert-coming in January
The World Needs Your Kid by the Keilburger brothers
It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita by Heather Armstrong
Question– Is it the end or beginning of my life?
-Take a trip with my husband. We went to Montreal and NYC on two seperate mini-trips. Check.
-Watch Movies in Theatre. We recently and finally saw, MJ’s This is it + I want to sneak one more in this week, god-willing. I know eventually we will be able to watch DVD’s in two or three part sittings but getting to the theatre will not happen very often. Half-check.
-See a Musical. I saw Nursery School Musical with a few of my gf’s not too long ago. Wanted to see more and came close but oh well…Check.
-Have a girls night out. In lieu of a shower, I organized a girls night out with VIG’s. Nice to have most of my besties in the same room at the same time. Check.
-Go to a Concert. We saw the legendary U2 live in September. Check.
A girl can dream can’t she?
2009
-niagara, montreal, muskoka, new york-CHECK.
2010
-March-family cruise
-Summer-Blue Mountain
2011
-Winter- Florida-Disneyland
-Summer-PEI/Halifax or Quebec City/Montreal/Ottawa-tulip festival
2012
-Family trip to Costa Rica-volunteer with the sea turtles
-A+R vegas or miami trip (3 nights)
2013
-A+R 10 yr anniversary-Italy/South of France or Turkey/Greece
-All inclusive family trip to DR?
2014
-family trip to Hong Kong (Amin uncle) or Egypt (Cosmos/Gap Adventures)
2015
-R’s 40th -Greece/Turkey or Italy/South of France
2016
-Hong Kong or Egypt
One of the qualities I dislike in other people is indecisiveness. I mean, make a decision and move on. Life is too short but here’s my confession. We can’t settle on a baby name. We are going to decide when the baby comes if she is indeed meant to be a Mila or a Raya or some other name altogether. OR maybe She is really a He. Yikes!
Here’s a list of our favourite contenders:
Mila Iman Mulji (dear one/favoured/friendly, soft, pleasant)
Raya (friend-same meaning as khalil)
Rayna (queen/counsel, song)
Ranya (to gaze at, loving look)-have issue with ‘ran’ when anglicized
Rayla
Kayla (laurel, crown)
Layla (night)
Lyla (pronounced Leila, dark haired beauty/night)
Sholay/Sholeh (fire in persian)
Ariya/Aria/Aarya (meaning noble, truthful and grateful)
Alyssa (of the noble sort)
x Riley/Reilley (courageous)
x Ella (torch, bright light)
x Nuraya
x Summer
x Rianna
x Khloe
x Meliya or Melia (like Barack’s daughter)
Common themes and preferences: the letter “l” for alliteration with surname Mulji. Would also ideally like it to rhyme with K. Arabic meaning preferred. Also like the letter Y. And, easy spelling and pronounciation.
Yes, I am THAT kind of mom. I would ideally like to take a journey around the world every year to celebrate my kids birthdays. Even though they will be 3 months apart I plan to scale down the ridiculousness and do one big party. Here are some of my ideas posted now in cyberspace.
-Bollywood bhangra jam via my son’s ancestral roots so we went to INDIA (in our minds) for his first birthday bash.
-Cancelled K’s 2nd party due to bad weather but it was meant to me a Hawaiian luah. I have a lot of leftover leis let me tell you.
-Salsababies/tots with instructor Amy Crespi-Mexican Fiesta
-Cooking at loblaws-what country?
-Markham Tae Kwon Do-Korea
-Splash pad/Wave pool-Hawaii take 2
-Karoke/sushi-Japan
-Italy/soccer-sportball
-The Zoo-Africa
I have to so much to say about my newish acquired best friend and neighbour of six years. Although, we only discovered each other two and a bit years ago my life hasn’t been the same since. I can’t imagine my life without her and both of us kick ourselves thinking of our lost time living next to each other but not knowing one another.
The back of my house faces the side of her house. We can look into each other’s houses through our kitchens. A few days post-partum with K, I took a break to step onto my back porch for fresh air and I heard a distinct loud voice yell over to me, “Did you have a boy or girl, wanna come over for coffee?” I peered into her window and thus was the start of a real and refreshing friendship.
Ironically, Patsy and I were intending NOT to become close because both of us were/are at points in our lives, where our primary focus is on our families and the friends we don’t always get to see. Meaning, our lives were very full and we didn’t have room for each other. But ours heart adjusted and space was created and we quickly became fast friends.
We leave signs for each other on our kitchen windows (happy birthdays, anniversaries, welcome back etc). We scream at each other through the windows and do the ‘doncha know your neighbour is hot like me’ booty dance. We ask each for fashion advice and to check each other’s make-up. We run away to Shoppers when we can. We go for walks. She walks fast. Last winter, she took me out in crunching 4 ft of snow because we had to beat the winter blues that both of us are prone to through sunshine. We call each other everyday…sometimes 10x a day over big things but mostly small little things that take sheer seconds. We hang up abruptly with each other but no offense is taken. Our relationship is effortless.
When her twin boys were hardly talking, they picked up on my name and it made my heart swell that they would ask for me. We are playdate partners forever. I am their Thea (aunt in greek) Rishma. I love her boys and she loves mine. Her son, Alexander worries about Khalil a lot. Even though he is her eldest at 6 years, it’s him and K that a special bond. Our husbands have become good friends too. We are Wilma and Betty. Our hubbies are both are our Barneys, although sometimes they are Freds but mostly Barneys.
When I started back at work after my mat leave, Patsy left me soup and food for the first week on my back porch. Every few weeks, there is a package of hand me down toys and clothes waiting for me. When she purges her stuff, all the good stuff comes to me first. She has even given me her double stroller for goodness sake. She is spirited, driven, firey, creative, funny, beautiful, generous and so many other things. She is a big mouth just like me. She is a great dancer and recently became certified to become a Yoga Dance instructor. She is fit– runs, jogs and walks daily and committed to her health, which is inspiring for lazy butt me. We can laugh forever and have become each other’s confidents.
She is a stay at home mom and I am working one but we don’t judge each other…just love one another. She is a devoted amazing mother and I have learned so much from her. The winter I was home alone with Khalil was particularly hard. It was rough winter but I made it through because of her.
How rare and beautiful is it to find that kind of friend in your life who is literally steps away from you? Very rare. I am so blessed and lucky. When I don’t see her van in the driveway or when she goes away, every summer with her family to Europe my heart sinks. Her family is mine and mine hers. We are still trying to figure out a clothesline or some other way to pass things to each other through the windows. She has made my suburban life in Richmond Hill more than just bearable. It’s wonderful. Ideal, actually.
We worry about the day when we one or both of us move away (even though the plan for right now, is move together in the same neighbourhood again) but I can say for sure, Patsy will be in my life for a long, long time. I hope forever.
