Why I love my husband March 8, 2011

*Note to self-please consult this list during conflicting times.

This is a list of the many reasons (not all) that Aly is the one for me. Only some examples of the extraordinary husband, father and man he is.

1) After 15+ years in the corporate world, he left to pursue a career in the non-profit sector where he is making a huge impact and difference in the lives of kids
2) On his last birthday and only a few days before his daughter was born, he made a steadfast decision to lose weight. He lost 40 pounds and began his journey during one stressful, life-altering week where emotions were high
3) On a particularly rough day during my first maternity leave where I hadn’t had the chance to pee or eat, the doorbell rang. There was a delivery for me from Swiss Chalet. Guess who had a ordered a hearty healthy lunch for me?
4) He is my personal shopper and stylist. In fact, he knows my style and what will look good on me and fit me well better than I do.
5) As much as he is my children’s father, he is their mother too. He is an equal parent in everyway. It is his name that the children call out in the middle of the night
6) He is the anchor for his family. The go to guy with a idea or question
7) His proposal to me. Intimate, creative and soulful.
8 My gift on my 30th birthday-a trip to Hawaii.
9) His spontaneous adventurous spirit. He does not take the same path anywhere. He has shortcuts and a knack for discovering the unknown. He is the guy if craving a certain slice of pizza on College Street will go from our house in Richmond Hill and go get that slice. He keeps life exciting.
10) He is a morning person
11) His impeccable sense of timing. Always on time, if not early for pick ups etc
12) His great fashion sense
13) He was/is commonly referred to as a metrosexual before the word was even invented. He loves shopping, fashion, spas, pedicures, poetry…
14) He writes me love poems
15) His time has come. In his 40′s he is totally blossoming.
16) His passion for golf
17) He has always done the laundry me and now for all of us. He also cleans.
18) It’s kinda endearing how scared of bugs he is.
19) His surprising unexpected public speaking skills. Wish he used them more
20) His quiet charm has won him some definite perks at Starbucks and the Dr’s office. He has a way with people.
21) He has introduced me to some of the best TV of my life (Lost, Entourage etc). Insisted I would like the shows if I gave them a chance. So grateful I did.
22) The love note he tapped on the washroom mirror on that random Saturday morning
23) Never loses his cool-Zenmaster

Things that drive me nuts about the same man I just put up on a pedestal:
1) He is a morning person
2) The way he laughed at me during my labour with Mila is simply unforgiveable
3) That he thinks I am a bad driver
4) He is impulsive
5) His neat-freakness
6) He is obsessed with cars-I have know him for 10 years now and he has had more than 10 cars in that time. Every year, this guy gets the car itch. Drives me nuts.
7) His obsession with golf
8 His obsession with everything shiny and new. Typical guy in that sense. The stories I can tell you. What he did to get his hands on the Iphone4 during it’s impossible to get stage is ridiculous.
9) The amount of shoes and jackets he owns is just greedy.
10) He snores
11) He doesn’t fold up the dirty diapers and dispose of them right away. Yuck.
12) He challenges me to be better. Can’t he just accept me with all my horrible faults?

10 Ways to Keep a Husband March 8, 2011

Here’s another one I really liked on demandingjoy . Actually, I like them all. Please visit www.demandingjoy.com for amazing lists, quotes and ideas.

Willis and I have been married for 15 years. Better and worse, sickness and health, richer and poorer – we’ve lived through it all. I don’t think that either one of us are particularly easy to live with, but we’ve smoothed out the bumps over the years and settled into a comfy equilibrium. He could probably write a dissertation on how to stay married from a man’s perspective, but as a wife, here’s what I’ve learned over the past decade and a half about keeping a husband.

Good food and good sex. It’s a cliché, but if their stomachs and libidos are happy, you’re off to an excellent start.
Men need to be needed. This took me a long time to learn. I was raised to believe that I can do for myself. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. And I don’t. But once I learned to let him be my knight in shining armor, life improved for both of us.
Physical contact. I read a study once (and I kick myself for not keeping track of the citation) that found a strong correlation between healthy, long-lasting marriages and the number of non-sexual touches in a day. Little things like putting your hand on his knee when he’s driving or when he walks behind you through a doorway and touches the small of your back. In this study, sex didn’t count because technically, you can have sex with someone you don’t even like. But physical affection was shown to strengthen the bond between partners.
Treat him as you want to be treated. All of the things that women want, men want too. Hold your tongue if you have something unkind to say. Be courteous. Listen when he speaks. Treat him as your equal.
Have high expectations of each other. Anyone who wants to be treated as an equal needs to step up and be an equal. Therefore, nobody gets a free pass based on their gender. This includes everything from not dating outside the marriage to pitching in with the dishes. Being a man is an excuse for nothing. Men and women are equally capable of good behavior.
Be free and easy with the compliments. Another thing that my husband does better than I do. But men need to hear that they look good just as much as women. Tell him you love him often and tell him why often. My rule of thumb is every time I think something nice about him, I make a point of saying it out loud.
Trust, honesty and respect. There is no relationship without these things. Like I tell my 5-year-old, if you have to be sneaky, it means that you’re doing the wrong thing.
Work it out. Your marriage can’t last forever unless you truly believe that it will. Willis and I agreed early on to not even think about divorce, let along suggest it unless something truly cataclysmic happens, like infidelity, violence, substance abuse, criminal activity, etc. (I’m happy to say that we struggle with none of these things). Aside from these deal breakers, hang on tight and get through the hard times.
Make him your priority. My marriage is the foundation for my life and for my children’s lives. So even though it would be very easy to lose each other in the shuffle of our lives, it benefits everyone to put our relationship first.
Have fun! Laughter is important. If you enjoy each others company, you’re more motivated to keep the spark alive.

5 lessons we should stop teaching our girls March 8, 2011

Taken directly from an awesome website-http://demandingjoy.com/?p=898. Check it out!

As the mother of a daughter, I want to be deliberate in how I raise her with the hope that she can avoid the hang-ups and pitfalls that I have wrestled with. While I have learned countless invaluable lessons from the women who raised, nurtured and mentored me, there are a few things that I wish we, as women, could un-learn.

Clear your plate. Whether you’re hungry or not, keep eating until all of the food is gone. Take one look at me and you will know that I took this one to heart.
New lesson: We don’t want to be wasteful, so don’t put too much on your plate. Listen to your body. When you feel full, stop eating.

Be ladylike. How many of us suppress our thoughts and feelings because we don’t want to inconvenience anyone with them?
New lesson: Be considerate, but always speak your mind!

Ambition is not an attractive quality. And thus we limit ourselves.
New lesson: Reach for the stars. Toot your own horn. Conquer the world. And make a ton of money while you’re at it.

It’s not polite to talk about money. Women miss out on hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a career because we’re not comfortable negotiating on our own behalf.
New lesson: Be discreet, but know what you’re worth and say so. Once you earn it, you need to know how to manage it for yourself too.

He pushed you down on the playground because he likes you. What?!?
New lesson: No one gets to touch you without your permission. Boys who really like you will not be mean to you. He pushed you down because he’s an asshole. Tell a grown-up and if it happens again, knock his block off.

Reading Pleasures of 2010 March 8, 2011

Here’s the list of my reading pleasures of 2010:

-knit 2
-believe me
-travelling with pomengrantes
-baby whisperer
-this little piggy meets prada
-secret daughter
-happiness project
-one day (one of my favourite books of all-time! pleasepleaseplease READ IT!)
-committed
-happens every day
-little bee

Goals of 2011 March 8, 2011

These are on a professional note:
-Co-author a book with a certain famous family member of mine
-Turn my ‘library of love’ into an on-line business
-Make one of my RGI’s (really good ideas)-birthday party/event planning consulting- into a pilot business for this year.
-Seriously look into P/T teaching opportunities at College/Universities

Personally:
-Lose 10-15 pounds (the final 10 I need to lose) and maintain the weight off
-Get my kitchen remodeled
-Be present with my kids

Ready, Set, GOal…

Two love poems March 3, 2011

Here are the two love poems that were recited at our wedding all those years ago. I dug it up and decided it needs to belong on my blog forever.

Sonnet XVII
By Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

FOR LOVERS ONLY
I feel as if we have been moving towards each other
to meet on this day
every second one step closer
to seeing your beautiful face
i have dreamt of you
thought of you
and prayed for you
i have heard the sweet nectar of your voice
and felt your hand touch my heart
i have longed to have you beside me
to walk through the valley of love
together
i have looked in your eyes
and watched my heart dance and my soul smile
i have held you in my arms and whispered the names
of our children in your ear
i have laughed, cried and sat quietly
waiting
until today
as my dreams come true
today i say i love you
in marriage
forever.
(anonymous=aly mulji)

From father to son… March 3, 2011

To Khalil

Embedded somewhere deep within your DNA
is the essence of pure happiness
of hope and optimism
you are the spirit of those that have left
reincarnated
into a tiny capsule
electric
enticing
and perfect
You are living, breathing proof
of the divine
you illuminate every second
of my life
as you sit comfortably on my heart
as a permanent fixture
of every fiber of my being
in your birth a new awakening
has revived
my pulse
and dispelled all of my pessimism
in this crazy world
you are my savour
you are my son.

Your children…. March 3, 2011

A good beautiful reminder…

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and the daughters of the life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not for you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you
cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.

Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Our deepest fear… March 3, 2011

One of my all time favourite poems. So empowering!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Nelson Mandela

Perfect Day March 3, 2011

I was fortunate to have some pretty awesome days on my just completed second maternity leave. My daughter was a real blessing-an easy baby who slept and ate well especially in the beginning stages. I was also less neurotic and comfortable in mom-skin. This is an example of a day I had almost a year ago that for me was just perfection.

My girl and I slept in together and in the morning hours curled up by the TV and watched the documentary Google World and then watched the previous night’s Gossip Girl. Remember this was the early days so she was sleeping a lot and I was surprisingly well rested at this point. Slightly euphoric and dellusional, I might add. Khalil was occupied in full time pre-school. Around noon, we joined Patsy, my cherished friend and old neighbour on a Joe Fresh shopping spree at loblaws (everything was marked down!) and lunch by the sunshiney window. It truly felt like a european patio moment except we were indoors in a huge store but we had the perfect spot which made it the perfect moment. It was my afternoon to take Mila to my parents house and have some me-time. I dropped her there and proceeded to have some Shoppers Drug Mart therapy. Had my fill there and went to Starbucks and got the chance to read the Globe and Mail. I checked out a new cupcake store next door to my son’s school and we inside to pick him up. He was overjoyed that ‘mammy’ had come to fetch him. He feel into my arms. We went back to parents for supper and to pick up his sister. My parents had the kids occupied having dinner so I slipped into their basement to watch Y&R uninterrupted. Guilty pleasure check. We left their house and since it was such a beautiful day and the sun was still shining decided to go to the library to pick up some new books for Khalil. Mila was looking around in her stroller intrigued but not needy. Went home and my husband was home from work.

It was the perfect peaceful day! Simple and full of so many precious moments. Ordinary yet extraordinary in every way. I am so glad I had recorded the day because I can feel the warmth of it all over again.