Time to e-read April 28, 2011

I am a book lover. I love the smell, feel, taste (no– not taste silly!) of books. My dream is to have wall to wall bookshelves with a stylish ladder. I dream of books. I live for books. When my brother and I were little we nothing to do so we read every single book in our school library. Seriously.

I have been resistent to e-readers for sometime but ironically enough I own two. When the first edition of the Kobo was released my brother was generous enough to give me his. He happily passed it to me because he had a newly aquired Ipad in his hands. I didn’t touch it. I had too many books to go through first so put Kobo1 on hold. In January, my girlfriends and I went to the Marliyn Denis show and lo and behold one the segments was on the different e-readers on the market. I could smell the giveaway in the air. Soon after my intitution and TV savviness was proven right as we were all rewarded with a Kobo e-reader. I was delighted and excited with K2. Sadly enough, it has been sitting in its’ box for the last few months but I finally pulled it out yesterday. The time has come. I will never give up real books but there is so much material out there that I like to read but really don’t need to keep. It’s a great commuting tool for me to keep in my purse. It’s great for bigger trips too on the plane and with the kids. It’s light and comes preloaded with 100 classics. So, I am taking the brave step today, figuring out my new reading toy and hopefully, will be e-reading tomorrow on the GO train.

As for some of my 2011 reads I have had a few great ones in a row:
The Lucky Sperm Club by Rebecca Eckler Pure silly entertainment. Right book at the right time. Dare I admit, Eckler’s writing has gotten better over the years.

Midnight at the Dragon Cafe by Judy Fong I found this book on the street. My friend Anne Marie who works for TPL was giving copies away as part of the One Book Community Read 2011 campaign. Lucky me. Raw. Haunting in some ways.

Still Alice by Lisa Genova I’ve started this book twice before but couldn’t find it until recently. It was tucked under one my kid’s stroller. I was so happy to reunite with it and finish it. Worth all the praise. Intelligent. Emotional. Everyone needs to read this book.

On the outside looking Indian by Rupinder Gill Was so excited to read this. It started out so funny and entertaining and I could totally relate but I tired of it quickly. It would have been better as a long essay as opposed to a book. Found it repetitive and flat towards the end. It’s too long to sustain its’ initial humour. Also, I think the author was a little too tough on her parents. It’s not an Indian thing as well but more of a shared immigrant thing…

Can’t wait for more books-real and e-in 2011.

Someone else’s how-to-parent lessons in 25 simple steps April 28, 2011

Thought this was extra special. Taken from Jen from Supersisters at PBS Parents

1. Silly string really is worth the unjustifiable purchase when you’re being lobbied hard in the store.

2. Nothing good can come from leaving the cake batter unattended, even for one minute.

3. Your example will be followed faster than your rules.

4. If you always say yes, it’s probably time to say no.

5. If you always lean towards no, say yes.

6. Your intuition is a better guide than everyone else’s opinion of how you should do it.

7. There’s nothing like dancing in the living room to get everybody in a better mood.

8. Kids never stop needing you at bedtime, and it’s never about the extra glass of water.

9. No matter what they say or how they act, your kids really know you care.

10. There’s no such thing as too much time playing outside.

11. Regular bathing is way overrated.

12. Regular haircuts, however, do something mysteriously good for self-esteem and sometimes self-control.

13. Playing together is just as important as eating right and going to bed on time.

14. Your kids are on your side, willing to comply, more than you know.

15. Being tough is important, but you have to know how and when.

16. Mistakes will be forgiven.

17. Your presence is more important than any opportunity you could provide.

18. Kids aren’t the only ones with too much screen time.

19. How you handle your own relationship troubles will teach your kids how to handle theirs.

20. No one is too old to be snuggled.

21. Listening is the most powerful way to get through to your kids, no matter what’s going on.

22. If you buy the big thing of bubble stuff, it will get spilled in the first five minutes.

23. Without a doubt, a big cardboard box is the best gift they’ll ever get, no matter what the age.

24. Telling stories about yourself at their same ages is an endless source of delight, especially if you tell the ones where you got it all wrong trying to get it all right.

25. Committing to your own personal growth and well-being reassures kids and creates a safe space for them to tackle their own challenges, without worrying about yours.

A Tribute to Mila, Love Mom April 11, 2011

Happy Sweet 16(month)!
I can’t believe that I haven’t posted anything about my sweet little girl Mila here. My beloved radiant daughter who turned 16 months today is nothing like the girl I imagined or hoped for….she is better. Not a stereotypical girl in the least. She can keep up with the big boys. She is fierce, confident, fearless, unstoppable and so damn cute I want to eat her up. Definitely a wild child, she is so entertaining. Watch her and you will be mesmerized in her quick action problem solving techniques and she will have you laughing in sitches within minutes. She scurries around like a mouse (she went from crawling straight to running, skipping over the walking stage) looking for a piece of the action everywhere she goes. I am so in love with her. From the moment she was born, she has been a shining light for me. She is joy to this world. She is playful, so smart she actually scares me, a do-er, girly in so many ways—her bright beautiful eyes, her wild untameable hair… Her ability to care and love blows me away. And, she is a dancing machine. The girl has some amazing moves and natural rhythm. I have very little tolerance for stereotypical gender roles. I have always thought the world needs softer boys/men and tougher girls/women and I am so immensely proud that my children represent that. Her capacity to love is immeasurable. A curious cat about everything. A doting sister she is obsessed with her big brother. He is her world. She is a good eater, good sleeper, just a good person—the world is truly a better place with her presence in it. I can’t wait to grow old with her on my side. She is my best friend in the making. Hands down, the spunkiest girl I know.

I’m a working mom because it’s best for me April 11, 2011

I LOVELOVELOVE this article. Stolen from the Facts & Arguments pages of the Globe. Except for a few minor details, I could have written it but I didn’t. Kudos to Christina Totter. I hear ya, sista!

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/parenting-facts-and-arguments/im-a-working-mom-because-its-best-for-me/article1970465/

It’s happening soon. Armed with subway tokens, I’ll be returning to work after my second and likely last maternity leave. In doing so, I’ve committed to the working-mom side of the so-called mommy wars – the debate between moms who work and moms who stay at home over which choice is best. Best for the kids, best for the family, best for the world.

I struggled and obsessed over this decision for months. I feel sick at the thought of turning my youngest, Camille, over to daycare where she will start growing up without me, even though a couple of years ago I survived the same transition with her three-year-old brother Darien. And I’m harbouring guilt fuelled by the fact that we could get by, albeit meagerly, on my husband’s salary alone. So I don’t even have the excuse of needing the extra money to support my family.

My choice to go back to work boiled down to a couple of factors. To begin with, I love my job. I’m a hydrogeologist and for the past couple of years, I’ve worked in an amazing position where I get to think about science all day. As I approach middle age, it’s become apparent to me that few people feel this way about their careers. Most people I know seem to work to live, and while I’m far from living to work, I enjoy my work. I like solving the problems that cross my desk every day and I value the opportunity to exercise my brain in a different way than I do at home.

The second reason I decided to go back to work was that I struggle with postpartum depression. With Darien it was mild and lasted only a few weeks. With Camille, I almost derailed. The depression came on almost seven months after she was born. It was September and we’d had a fantastic summer. I don’t know if it was the shorter days, the threat of being indoors more or something else, but suddenly I went from being okay to crying for hours. I felt incapable of taking care of my kids.

Fortunately, a fabulous psychiatrist and antidepressants got me back on track and now keep me healthy. But the truth is that when I start to wean off the medication, I know I will need the added distraction and mental stimulation of work to be successful.

Finally, I don’t think I’m a particularly understanding or attentive mother. Probably because I’m not particularly understanding or attentive to people in general. But I’m pretty sure these characteristics are mandatory for a full-time parent. I don’t need to look beyond a recent morning for an example. Within half an hour of waking up, I lost my cool and shouted at my son: “Darien! Stop telling me what to do!” Meanwhile, Camille threw up a sticker.

My outburst at Darien was prompted by a tirade of demands after I outfitted him in a smart sweater and corduroy pants. I managed to dress him entirely without his knowledge by hypnotizing him with the TV. Evidently, this ensemble wasn’t cool enough for him. Upon his return to reality after shutting off Bob the Builder, the screams of “Get my shirt with the motorcycle! Get it now!” led me over the edge.

And the sticker? Camille managed to suck that off the carpet and ingest it while I was distracted by trying to speed-read a few pages of my book. And this is business as usual at our place.

While my reasons for going back to work seem reasonable to me, I feel an intense despair when I think of what I will be giving up. One day I spent 45 minutes watching Camille discover a new book, investigating it by smashing it on the floor and licking it, then becoming quite irate when she inadvertently shoved it under the couch.

I could spend hours rolling around on the ground with my kids, listening to Darien’s emerging thoughts and ideas and rocking them both to sleep. I hate the idea of losing this closeness and seeing them for only a couple of hours on weekdays and on weekends.

With Darien, I was comfortable with going back to work after a year of maternity leave. I couldn’t understand why a woman would choose to be a full-time mom. I also felt like stay-at-home moms judged those of us who worked, like we were selfish or careless parents.

Looking back, I think my confidence was partly because I knew my situation was temporary and I’d be pregnant again in the near future. This time, I feel completely different. Maybe I’ve matured as a person or maybe it’s the antidepressants (more probable), but I clearly see both sides. I desperately want to be both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. But for me, the scales are tipped ever so slightly in favour of going to work.

I now take offence to the whole concept of the mommy wars. As mothers, we have the most scrutinized and criticized profession in the world. Entire books are dedicated to convincing us that no matter what we are doing, we are doing it wrong and our children will be forever scarred by our ineptitude.

The way I see it, moms have to stick together – whether at home or at work. The entire debate over what is better for the kids is ridiculous. Interesting, intelligent, productive adults have been raised by both working and stay-at-home moms. The kids will be fine regardless. We moms need it to be okay to make the decision about us – what works best for us and our families. No matter what our choices regarding employment, we have plenty more in common than not.

So what do you say ladies – truce?

Christina Trotter lives in Toronto.