I have been resistent to e-readers for sometime but ironically enough I own two. When the first edition of the Kobo was released my brother was generous enough to give me his. He happily passed it to me because he had a newly aquired Ipad in his hands. I didn’t touch it. I had too many books to go through first so put Kobo1 on hold. In January, my girlfriends and I went to the Marliyn Denis show and lo and behold one the segments was on the different e-readers on the market. I could smell the giveaway in the air. Soon after my intitution and TV savviness was proven right as we were all rewarded with a Kobo e-reader. I was delighted and excited with K2. Sadly enough, it has been sitting in its’ box for the last few months but I finally pulled it out yesterday. The time has come. I will never give up real books but there is so much material out there that I like to read but really don’t need to keep. It’s a great commuting tool for me to keep in my purse. It’s great for bigger trips too on the plane and with the kids. It’s light and comes preloaded with 100 classics. So, I am taking the brave step today, figuring out my new reading toy and hopefully, will be e-reading tomorrow on the GO train.

As for some of my 2011 reads I have had a few great ones in a row:
The Lucky Sperm Club by Rebecca Eckler Pure silly entertainment. Right book at the right time. Dare I admit, Eckler’s writing has gotten better over the years.

Midnight at the Dragon Cafe by Judy Fong I found this book on the street. My friend Anne Marie who works for TPL was giving copies away as part of the One Book Community Read 2011 campaign. Lucky me. Raw. Haunting in some ways.

Still Alice by Lisa Genova I’ve started this book twice before but couldn’t find it until recently. It was tucked under one my kid’s stroller. I was so happy to reunite with it and finish it. Worth all the praise. Intelligent. Emotional. Everyone needs to read this book.

On the outside looking Indian by Rupinder Gill Was so excited to read this. It started out so funny and entertaining and I could totally relate but I tired of it quickly. It would have been better as a long essay as opposed to a book. Found it repetitive and flat towards the end. It’s too long to sustain its’ initial humour. Also, I think the author was a little too tough on her parents. It’s not an Indian thing as well but more of a shared immigrant thing…

Can’t wait for more books-real and e-in 2011.

1. Silly string really is worth the unjustifiable purchase when you’re being lobbied hard in the store.

2. Nothing good can come from leaving the cake batter unattended, even for one minute.

3. Your example will be followed faster than your rules.

4. If you always say yes, it’s probably time to say no.

5. If you always lean towards no, say yes.

6. Your intuition is a better guide than everyone else’s opinion of how you should do it.

7. There’s nothing like dancing in the living room to get everybody in a better mood.

8. Kids never stop needing you at bedtime, and it’s never about the extra glass of water.

9. No matter what they say or how they act, your kids really know you care.

10. There’s no such thing as too much time playing outside.

11. Regular bathing is way overrated.

12. Regular haircuts, however, do something mysteriously good for self-esteem and sometimes self-control.

13. Playing together is just as important as eating right and going to bed on time.

14. Your kids are on your side, willing to comply, more than you know.

15. Being tough is important, but you have to know how and when.

16. Mistakes will be forgiven.

17. Your presence is more important than any opportunity you could provide.

18. Kids aren’t the only ones with too much screen time.

19. How you handle your own relationship troubles will teach your kids how to handle theirs.

20. No one is too old to be snuggled.

21. Listening is the most powerful way to get through to your kids, no matter what’s going on.

22. If you buy the big thing of bubble stuff, it will get spilled in the first five minutes.

23. Without a doubt, a big cardboard box is the best gift they’ll ever get, no matter what the age.

24. Telling stories about yourself at their same ages is an endless source of delight, especially if you tell the ones where you got it all wrong trying to get it all right.

25. Committing to your own personal growth and well-being reassures kids and creates a safe space for them to tackle their own challenges, without worrying about yours.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/parenting-facts-and-arguments/im-a-working-mom-because-its-best-for-me/article1970465/

It’s happening soon. Armed with subway tokens, I’ll be returning to work after my second and likely last maternity leave. In doing so, I’ve committed to the working-mom side of the so-called mommy wars – the debate between moms who work and moms who stay at home over which choice is best. Best for the kids, best for the family, best for the world.

I struggled and obsessed over this decision for months. I feel sick at the thought of turning my youngest, Camille, over to daycare where she will start growing up without me, even though a couple of years ago I survived the same transition with her three-year-old brother Darien. And I’m harbouring guilt fuelled by the fact that we could get by, albeit meagerly, on my husband’s salary alone. So I don’t even have the excuse of needing the extra money to support my family.

My choice to go back to work boiled down to a couple of factors. To begin with, I love my job. I’m a hydrogeologist and for the past couple of years, I’ve worked in an amazing position where I get to think about science all day. As I approach middle age, it’s become apparent to me that few people feel this way about their careers. Most people I know seem to work to live, and while I’m far from living to work, I enjoy my work. I like solving the problems that cross my desk every day and I value the opportunity to exercise my brain in a different way than I do at home.

The second reason I decided to go back to work was that I struggle with postpartum depression. With Darien it was mild and lasted only a few weeks. With Camille, I almost derailed. The depression came on almost seven months after she was born. It was September and we’d had a fantastic summer. I don’t know if it was the shorter days, the threat of being indoors more or something else, but suddenly I went from being okay to crying for hours. I felt incapable of taking care of my kids.

Fortunately, a fabulous psychiatrist and antidepressants got me back on track and now keep me healthy. But the truth is that when I start to wean off the medication, I know I will need the added distraction and mental stimulation of work to be successful.

Finally, I don’t think I’m a particularly understanding or attentive mother. Probably because I’m not particularly understanding or attentive to people in general. But I’m pretty sure these characteristics are mandatory for a full-time parent. I don’t need to look beyond a recent morning for an example. Within half an hour of waking up, I lost my cool and shouted at my son: “Darien! Stop telling me what to do!” Meanwhile, Camille threw up a sticker.

My outburst at Darien was prompted by a tirade of demands after I outfitted him in a smart sweater and corduroy pants. I managed to dress him entirely without his knowledge by hypnotizing him with the TV. Evidently, this ensemble wasn’t cool enough for him. Upon his return to reality after shutting off Bob the Builder, the screams of “Get my shirt with the motorcycle! Get it now!” led me over the edge.

And the sticker? Camille managed to suck that off the carpet and ingest it while I was distracted by trying to speed-read a few pages of my book. And this is business as usual at our place.

While my reasons for going back to work seem reasonable to me, I feel an intense despair when I think of what I will be giving up. One day I spent 45 minutes watching Camille discover a new book, investigating it by smashing it on the floor and licking it, then becoming quite irate when she inadvertently shoved it under the couch.

I could spend hours rolling around on the ground with my kids, listening to Darien’s emerging thoughts and ideas and rocking them both to sleep. I hate the idea of losing this closeness and seeing them for only a couple of hours on weekdays and on weekends.

With Darien, I was comfortable with going back to work after a year of maternity leave. I couldn’t understand why a woman would choose to be a full-time mom. I also felt like stay-at-home moms judged those of us who worked, like we were selfish or careless parents.

Looking back, I think my confidence was partly because I knew my situation was temporary and I’d be pregnant again in the near future. This time, I feel completely different. Maybe I’ve matured as a person or maybe it’s the antidepressants (more probable), but I clearly see both sides. I desperately want to be both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. But for me, the scales are tipped ever so slightly in favour of going to work.

I now take offence to the whole concept of the mommy wars. As mothers, we have the most scrutinized and criticized profession in the world. Entire books are dedicated to convincing us that no matter what we are doing, we are doing it wrong and our children will be forever scarred by our ineptitude.

The way I see it, moms have to stick together – whether at home or at work. The entire debate over what is better for the kids is ridiculous. Interesting, intelligent, productive adults have been raised by both working and stay-at-home moms. The kids will be fine regardless. We moms need it to be okay to make the decision about us – what works best for us and our families. No matter what our choices regarding employment, we have plenty more in common than not.

So what do you say ladies – truce?

Christina Trotter lives in Toronto.

This is a list of the many reasons (not all) that Aly is the one for me. Only some examples of the extraordinary husband, father and man he is.

1) After 15+ years in the corporate world, he left to pursue a career in the non-profit sector where he is making a huge impact and difference in the lives of kids
2) On his last birthday and only a few days before his daughter was born, he made a steadfast decision to lose weight. He lost 40 pounds and began his journey during one stressful, life-altering week where emotions were high
3) On a particularly rough day during my first maternity leave where I hadn’t had the chance to pee or eat, the doorbell rang. There was a delivery for me from Swiss Chalet. Guess who had a ordered a hearty healthy lunch for me?
4) He is my personal shopper and stylist. In fact, he knows my style and what will look good on me and fit me well better than I do.
5) As much as he is my children’s father, he is their mother too. He is an equal parent in everyway. It is his name that the children call out in the middle of the night
6) He is the anchor for his family. The go to guy with a idea or question
7) His proposal to me. Intimate, creative and soulful.
8 My gift on my 30th birthday-a trip to Hawaii.
9) His spontaneous adventurous spirit. He does not take the same path anywhere. He has shortcuts and a knack for discovering the unknown. He is the guy if craving a certain slice of pizza on College Street will go from our house in Richmond Hill and go get that slice. He keeps life exciting.
10) He is a morning person
11) His impeccable sense of timing. Always on time, if not early for pick ups etc
12) His great fashion sense
13) He was/is commonly referred to as a metrosexual before the word was even invented. He loves shopping, fashion, spas, pedicures, poetry…
14) He writes me love poems
15) His time has come. In his 40′s he is totally blossoming.
16) His passion for golf
17) He has always done the laundry me and now for all of us. He also cleans.
18) It’s kinda endearing how scared of bugs he is.
19) His surprising unexpected public speaking skills. Wish he used them more
20) His quiet charm has won him some definite perks at Starbucks and the Dr’s office. He has a way with people.
21) He has introduced me to some of the best TV of my life (Lost, Entourage etc). Insisted I would like the shows if I gave them a chance. So grateful I did.
22) The love note he tapped on the washroom mirror on that random Saturday morning
23) Never loses his cool-Zenmaster

Things that drive me nuts about the same man I just put up on a pedestal:
1) He is a morning person
2) The way he laughed at me during my labour with Mila is simply unforgiveable
3) That he thinks I am a bad driver
4) He is impulsive
5) His neat-freakness
6) He is obsessed with cars-I have know him for 10 years now and he has had more than 10 cars in that time. Every year, this guy gets the car itch. Drives me nuts.
7) His obsession with golf
8 His obsession with everything shiny and new. Typical guy in that sense. The stories I can tell you. What he did to get his hands on the Iphone4 during it’s impossible to get stage is ridiculous.
9) The amount of shoes and jackets he owns is just greedy.
10) He snores
11) He doesn’t fold up the dirty diapers and dispose of them right away. Yuck.
12) He challenges me to be better. Can’t he just accept me with all my horrible faults?

Willis and I have been married for 15 years. Better and worse, sickness and health, richer and poorer – we’ve lived through it all. I don’t think that either one of us are particularly easy to live with, but we’ve smoothed out the bumps over the years and settled into a comfy equilibrium. He could probably write a dissertation on how to stay married from a man’s perspective, but as a wife, here’s what I’ve learned over the past decade and a half about keeping a husband.

Good food and good sex. It’s a cliché, but if their stomachs and libidos are happy, you’re off to an excellent start.
Men need to be needed. This took me a long time to learn. I was raised to believe that I can do for myself. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. And I don’t. But once I learned to let him be my knight in shining armor, life improved for both of us.
Physical contact. I read a study once (and I kick myself for not keeping track of the citation) that found a strong correlation between healthy, long-lasting marriages and the number of non-sexual touches in a day. Little things like putting your hand on his knee when he’s driving or when he walks behind you through a doorway and touches the small of your back. In this study, sex didn’t count because technically, you can have sex with someone you don’t even like. But physical affection was shown to strengthen the bond between partners.
Treat him as you want to be treated. All of the things that women want, men want too. Hold your tongue if you have something unkind to say. Be courteous. Listen when he speaks. Treat him as your equal.
Have high expectations of each other. Anyone who wants to be treated as an equal needs to step up and be an equal. Therefore, nobody gets a free pass based on their gender. This includes everything from not dating outside the marriage to pitching in with the dishes. Being a man is an excuse for nothing. Men and women are equally capable of good behavior.
Be free and easy with the compliments. Another thing that my husband does better than I do. But men need to hear that they look good just as much as women. Tell him you love him often and tell him why often. My rule of thumb is every time I think something nice about him, I make a point of saying it out loud.
Trust, honesty and respect. There is no relationship without these things. Like I tell my 5-year-old, if you have to be sneaky, it means that you’re doing the wrong thing.
Work it out. Your marriage can’t last forever unless you truly believe that it will. Willis and I agreed early on to not even think about divorce, let along suggest it unless something truly cataclysmic happens, like infidelity, violence, substance abuse, criminal activity, etc. (I’m happy to say that we struggle with none of these things). Aside from these deal breakers, hang on tight and get through the hard times.
Make him your priority. My marriage is the foundation for my life and for my children’s lives. So even though it would be very easy to lose each other in the shuffle of our lives, it benefits everyone to put our relationship first.
Have fun! Laughter is important. If you enjoy each others company, you’re more motivated to keep the spark alive.

As the mother of a daughter, I want to be deliberate in how I raise her with the hope that she can avoid the hang-ups and pitfalls that I have wrestled with. While I have learned countless invaluable lessons from the women who raised, nurtured and mentored me, there are a few things that I wish we, as women, could un-learn.

Clear your plate. Whether you’re hungry or not, keep eating until all of the food is gone. Take one look at me and you will know that I took this one to heart.
New lesson: We don’t want to be wasteful, so don’t put too much on your plate. Listen to your body. When you feel full, stop eating.

Be ladylike. How many of us suppress our thoughts and feelings because we don’t want to inconvenience anyone with them?
New lesson: Be considerate, but always speak your mind!

Ambition is not an attractive quality. And thus we limit ourselves.
New lesson: Reach for the stars. Toot your own horn. Conquer the world. And make a ton of money while you’re at it.

It’s not polite to talk about money. Women miss out on hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a career because we’re not comfortable negotiating on our own behalf.
New lesson: Be discreet, but know what you’re worth and say so. Once you earn it, you need to know how to manage it for yourself too.

He pushed you down on the playground because he likes you. What?!?
New lesson: No one gets to touch you without your permission. Boys who really like you will not be mean to you. He pushed you down because he’s an asshole. Tell a grown-up and if it happens again, knock his block off.

-knit 2
-believe me
-travelling with pomengrantes
-baby whisperer
-this little piggy meets prada
-secret daughter
-happiness project
-one day (one of my favourite books of all-time! pleasepleaseplease READ IT!)
-committed
-happens every day
-little bee

Personally:
-Lose 10-15 pounds (the final 10 I need to lose) and maintain the weight off
-Get my kitchen remodeled
-Be present with my kids

Ready, Set, GOal…

Sonnet XVII
By Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

FOR LOVERS ONLY
I feel as if we have been moving towards each other
to meet on this day
every second one step closer
to seeing your beautiful face
i have dreamt of you
thought of you
and prayed for you
i have heard the sweet nectar of your voice
and felt your hand touch my heart
i have longed to have you beside me
to walk through the valley of love
together
i have looked in your eyes
and watched my heart dance and my soul smile
i have held you in my arms and whispered the names
of our children in your ear
i have laughed, cried and sat quietly
waiting
until today
as my dreams come true
today i say i love you
in marriage
forever.
(anonymous=aly mulji)